The moment a child is born, a mother is born also.

May 5, 2016

Hello, friends and family! Again, forgive me for the blog hiatus… Rex Matthew has been keeping me on my toes quite a bit the last few weeks – and we are slowly but surely establishing a routine. He’s a complete doll right now, becoming more social, interactive and smiley with each passing day.  And fortunately, a little more readable and predictable, too. Now that’s not to say he doesn’t throw me a curve ball from time to time – but I think we’ve come to a solid understanding, he and I… he knows that I’m going to pick him up when he cries and feed him when he’s hungry and piss him off with multiple diaper and outfit changes on the daily… and in turn, I pretty much know what time of day I can catch him in a good mood and capture these types of freakin’ adorable photos:

I just can't...

Unbelievably, we’re approaching the 8-week mark (TWO MONTHS!) and my first Mother’s Day… and I’m a tad emotional about it. It doesn’t help that there are so many damn articles and videos out there presently that cause me to tear up often as I scroll through my newsfeed at 3am. And I’m not coming at it from the position of sadness that time is going by fast… I knew it would. EVERYONE warned me about that – and yes, when Rexy holds my hand while I’m nursing him or gives me a huge, toothless grin – my heart explodes in my chest with the love I have for him and the thought that we won’t have those types of moments forever. But maternity leave is both a wonderful and strange experience… much like pregnancy, the days - when you’re in the throws of them - both creep and fly by. And how could they not when your time is completely (and pretty strictly) regulated in 3-hour increments, with the iron fist, or stomach, of a 9 lb dictator?!? I’ve learned to be as productive as humanly possible while naps are underway – and I’ve got a massive to-do list that somehow seems to grow instead of decrease each day with goals and ideas of what I’d like to accomplish with the remaining time that I have away from work. Top of the list presently is reorganizing the linen closet, making a serious commitment to purging clothing and shoes that I’m not going to wear again (I am a mother now – the tube tops probs need to go), and completing all of the necessary photos and written details for Rex’s baby book.

A blurry smile from my boy!

Okay – I mentioned that I peruse my social media at 3am – and as most people understand (moms or not), late night wake times and feedings are a tough, but necessary evil. I am sleep-deprived, there’s no doubt about it… and I’m learning each day how to wrangle the exhaustion and find what little snippets of time that exist to relax. Unfortunately, my tiredness often does manifest itself by way of shortness with my loving and dear spouse – who has been extremely helpful and awesome during this new stage of our lives. I’m working on the restraint I need to look at situations from his perspective and bite my tongue when necessary… and he has promised not to leave me while I figure out how to function and remember that I’m still the girl he married. J And honestly, I’m a little bit proud of how I’ve adapted to the severe lack of sleep that comes with a new baby… I was a gratuitous sleeper pre-Rex – it wouldn’t be odd for me to get 9-10 hours a night. I’d nap on the weekends and still go to bed around 9pm. It was a treasured luxury that everyone told me to cherish, and you bet I did… and of course, I miss it. But I love Rex more. I don’t know how my instincts know to sense that he needs me and wake up when he cries, but they do – and we are figuring out together (Rex and I) what we need to do to help him get back to sleep.  It’s quite a mystery how the father’s instincts don’t have the same innate capabilities… J

Word...

A hilarious example of dad dressing Rex... he looks like a mini male gymnast.

I say that jokingly because Adam and I both know that he can’t really be much of help in the still of the night, even though he offers all the time. Since I am breastfeeding, the onus is on me to get him fed – and as of late, even if I decide to feed him a bottle, I still have to get up to pump. So really – why not let one of us get some sleep, right? We’re already discussing what we need to change and plan for when it comes time for me to return to work… Speaking of which – most of you know that in an exciting and somewhat stressful turn of events – the Truebe fam is relocating to St. Louis for the summer so that Adam can take on a temporary role that could potentially be an opportunity for him in the future. Essentially, that means packing up shop for 3 months, setting up said shop in a furnished apartment in Creve Couer, and preparing for what will probably be a lot of driving back and forth for those 3 months. But – it’s okay – and we’ll make it! Rexy is excited to be closer to friends and family for the summer – and it’s a blessing that the timing works for me coming off of maternity leave, so I’ll be able to transition back to a real-life, in-person employee for a little while. I miss my Paradowski people!

Little jailbird breakin' free from his swaddle!

I mentioned in my last post that breastfeeding is really hard. Regrettably, I actually didn’t know at that time how hard it was going to get. Around the 1-month mark, we started having trouble with Rex staying latched onto my boobs, seeming frustrated and all in all, unsatisfied, even after I’d fed him for 30+ minutes. But regardless, we kept at it – and I was essentially nursing him around the clock. There was no rhyme or reason to his hunger needs, and my body and nipples were in pain. Looking back, he was likely enduring the 4-week growth spurt, while my body was figuring out how to establish and maintain the necessary milk supply – all while dealing with a terrible tooth situation. I had a problematic filling that was repaired a year and a half ago – and even though it was causing me some temperature sensitivity, my dentist suggested we wait it out for the nerve to recede – and this went on for the entire duration of my pregnancy, since dental work isn’t allowed during that time. As my luck in the teeth department would have it, the nerve started completely dying as Rex was turning 4 weeks, causing me non-stop throbbing pain. It hurt to eat and drink… I had to take the leftover high-powered ibuprofen that was given to me AFTER LABOR to get through the pain… I didn’t even have the reprieve of sleep at night to be blissfully unaware that my mouth was suffering. Ultimately, later that week, I had to get my first root canal. And thankfully, as of today – it’s doing so much better…

The best result of the obligatory monthly photo shoot...

And the worst... but it's hilarious. 

Anyway – at Rex’s 1-month appt – his pediatrician dropped the hammer that although Rex was gaining weight, she didn’t feel that he was gaining enough – and she asked me to start experimenting with pumping more frequently and feeding him 3 oz bottles vs. nursing. Long story short – I started doing that (it sucks, FYI), and it has been working! Our little shrimp is gaining around an ounce a day since figuring out what needed to be done – and I, in turn, alternate between nursing, bottle feeding and pumping throughout the day and night… it’s a lot of work and a lot to handle – but we’re starting to figure out a comfortable routine. Through way too much research and commentary via various breastfeeding support Facebook groups, etc., I have determined that I am a “just enougher” in that my body only produces what Rex needs… nothing more. And that is stressful because I am already looking ahead to when I need to return to work and how I will send milk to daycare for him. Also, it’d be nice to imagine a time when Adam and I could have a night out as adults and me not feel frantic and stressed (and pumping at all hours of the prior day/night) to ensure that there are enough bottles on hand for whatever grandma, friend or family member is nice enough to babysit… Also, for some odd reason – breastfeeding and the ability or lack thereof to produce milk seems to be a really sensitive topic. I started crying in the doctor’s office when she told me she didn’t think he was getting enough. It’s mildly devastating, as his mother, to grasp that I wasn’t feeding him enough or providing what he needed – but there’s just so much that’s unknown and that I needed to learn! It’s also interesting to realize that for whatever reason, we, as females, have the tendency to always hone in on perceived inadequacies and exploit them… I’m learning to deal with it.

Sleeping with one eye open... haha!

Nonetheless, because of this “just enougher” designation – breastmilk is obviously a serious and precious commodity. People refer to it as “liquid gold,” for cryin’ out loud. Which is why what I’m about to tell you should be considered a tragic comedy, in hindsight, of course.
Prepare yourselves… J

At the onset of one of our first attempts to feed Rex a bottle vs. me nursing him – I had worked tirelessly for a whole week to build up two bottles that each had 3 ounces in them. Seriously – at that time, I’d pump for as long as I could and would only get 0.5 to 1 ounce out of my boobs. So – I was exhausted, but damn proud of those 2 bottles!  As Rex started to become hunger fussy, I got myself all hooked up with my pump parts as Adam prepared one of the bottles... and devastation struck. After heating the bottle in the fancy schmancy warmer that I just had to have – I tested it and determined that it wasn’t warm enough for my darling boy. So I told Adam to put it back on the warmer. Unbeknownst to both of us – you can’t heat bottles back-to-back – you have to give the device a 10-minute break in between… so when Adam put the bottle in and pushed the button, it didn’t work. He tried again, a little more forcefully with the button this time, and the whole damn thing tipped over – spilling ALL THREE OUNCES of breastmilk all over the counter!!! Adam flipped out… he knew how hard I’d worked to get those ounces, and I just stood there, stunned for a moment. By then, Rex was really getting worked up – so, I tried to remain calm – reminded us both that it was okay, we had one more bottle in the fridge that we could feed him. So, as Adam cleaned up the first mess, I grabbed the second bottle, put it in the warmer and pushed the button. Of course it didn’t work (it hadn’t been 10 minutes), and of course, Ram Jam Annie pressed it harder, thus knocking it over, spilling ALL THREE OUNCES of the second bottle on the counter. In the matter of 60 seconds, we had managed to lose/waste several days’ worth of pumping efforts by me and two precious meals for Rex. I started bawling. Adam was yelling in shock. Murphy was barking because of the yelling. And Rex was screaming in hunger – it was a total shit-show! Out of the devastating haze, I came to a few seconds later, realizing I needed to get unhooked to nurse, and sat down with him in the recliner, quietly crying, while Adam continued cleaning up the mess. It took several days, but we were finally able to laugh about it – and you should too… what are the freakin’ chances?!? J Best believe we are both EXTREMELY careful with that God-forsaken bottle warmer now, and luckily – we’ve had zero further terrible accidents since!

My two boys taking a nap... ahhh, my heart!

Because of the time commitment that breastfeeding requires – and the caloric toll it takes on your body – I often find myself eating while nursing Rex. Literally – I’m starving ALL the time. So, I’m constantly trying to multi-task and squeeze in a snack or even a meal either while I feed Rex, or as he naps on me. That part isn’t necessarily a requirement these days – more of a mom want than a Rex need. J  Adam is often cooking up dinners for us and bringing me a plate while I’m laid up on the recliner with Rexy on my chest or my lap – so I’m learning to eat with one hand, sometimes even with my non-dominant south paw – and it’s really hard! At least once a day, poor Rex ends up with spillage on his clothes or his body. Little dude had crackers all over his head last weekend that I didn’t notice until I was done eating… I was finding crumbs in his crazy hair several hours later!

Such a sweet face at six weeks!

I’ll wrap this up by talking about that hair… it’s amazing, isn’t it? Adam and I keep wondering if it’s a freak, i.e. unique and adorable, characteristic – or if babies often have what looks to be a deep receding hairline with an awesome, spiky party in the back. Timmy has started calling him Billy Idol and singing “Rebel Yell” to him. It literally sticks straight up all day every day, straight outta the bath. I’m used to it and love it… and it’s often the topic of discussion when people lay eyes on his beautiful head. Friends, family, neighbors, strangers… his doctor even makes comments about it. I can’t wait till it turns red! J

I have joked that he looks like he touched the static electricity ball at the Magic House... but no, he's just livin' the dream.

Freshly captured this week!

Okay, in conclusion for real this time – I can’t pass up the opportunity to more fully address that Mother’s Day is this weekend, and even though I don’t feel like I truly deserve the honor just yet – really, I’m still “in training” at this point – I am feeling a little emotional about it with the newfound appreciation for how special my mom is… along with my grandmothers, my mother-in-law, my sisters-in-law, all of my mom friends and the other billions of wonderful mothers out there. It’s really hard for me to put into words how I feel about Rex and my life right now… and that's something that you ladies have been dealing with for years!

Something else affecting my perspective on motherhood = a seriously tragic situation has come up in my family... my cousin, Nicki's daughter, Hayden (who's 18-months old) was not only diagnosed with brain cancer out of nowhere this past week, but she's endured a few frightening setbacks in the hospital since the extensive surgery that was necessary to remove the tumor was so hard on her little body. I keep asking myself how cancer can invade such a sweet, innocent little person... and my heart is aching times one-thousand for Nicki... it's not even close to comparable, but it brought to mind a moment shortly after Rex was born. After feeding him one evening, he was so tired that his body was limp. I was handing him to Adam, who understandably got worried and started examining him/checking his pulse, etc. It was such a small, insignificant moment, especially looking back, since of course, he was fine -- but it scared the hell out of me. I bawled in the shower later that evening, thinking about it... the anxiety and the hormones are overwhelming at times. I have moments where I sincerely feel like I would die if anything happened to Rex. I am constantly thinking and praying for Hayden, for Nicki and Eric and Adelyn - and my entire Kayser family.

Sometimes, I’m so tired that I cry (yes, I cry a lot these days) when I think about how much I adore Rex and how I would do anything for him. Adam worries a lot about my anxiety level, and his concern is warranted… but I think all mothers (rookies and veterans) feel this way. In a nutshell, it's not about me anymore... and now that I think about it, I don't know that it ever really was. I know for sure that we're not doing everything right... in fact, we've had a few notable first-time-parenting fails under our belts in the first ~8 weeks. But what's important is that we're getting the hang of it! I may have way more wrinkles, major bags and dark circles under my eyes, some extra insulation around my midsection, and way bigger boobs than my body is comfortable with right now… but Rex Matthew Truebe is 100% worth it.

One of my fantastic mom friend examples (Vicki), playing with Rexy. She and Britany came to visit a couple weekends ago... and in true Mom fashion, as I was apologizing for his crying/fussiness - they both proclaimed - "You can't scare us, Rex! We been there." Ha! :)

Little family photo op... I look tired, I know. :)

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

And Happy early Mother’s Day!! Can't wait to see all of you, hopefully sometime soon!

XOXO

We Had a Baby!!!

Can you believe it?!?

Rex Matthew Truebe was born on Saturday, March 12^th, 2016 at 3:08pm. He clocked in at 7 lbs 0.8 oz and 19 inches - and he came out with quite the mop of wild hair on his perfect little head! 

Seriously... love at first sight. I was a mess!

Disclaimer: I started writing this post last week… and had not been able to continue writing/finish it until today – so it’s a little disjointed. My apologies!

3/30/16

First of all -- holy cow… I can’t believe it’s been 18 days since he arrived – it feels like a total blur! We can’t say thank you enough to all of our friends and family for the congrats, gifts, well wishes, visits, etc. Today is the first official FULL day that I am home with Rex by myself. Adam has been able to take a good portion of his paternity leave the last couple of weeks, which has been really great to have him here and tag-teaming the needs of a newborn. I’ve also been lucky enough to have my mom and Adam's mom come up and spend a few days with us as we adjust to being on maternity leave and figuring out how to make our little dude happy, healthy and content. Rexy is currently snoozin’ in his car seat – we had a weight check at the doctor’s office this morning – and I’ve been told and learned in my short time as a parent that it’s wise to leave the kiddo wherever he is when sleep comes along. I did unstrap him though – in my adult, claustrophobic opinion, those damn things seem way too tight!

The day we brought him home... I was both elated and terrified. 

I’ve got so much to tell you guys – but I know I won't be able to get it all out here and now. Hopefully, I'll see all of you soon and give you the full scoop on the big day and life as we know it since. For now, I’ll start with letting you know that Rex is doing really well! And since I mentioned the weight check – he’s gaining the lbs/oz he needs to so far…  it’s apparently normal for babies to lose a little weight after being born as their bodies adjust to being on the outside – but he’s back up/exceeded his birth weight at this point, and he’s getting taller! 7 lbs 4 oz and 21 inches today – woo! Weight is kind of a big deal for newborns, especially since I’m exclusively breastfeeding, because in addition to the tracking of diapers, it is important to constantly gauge that he’s getting enough to eat from my boobs J And thankfully, all signs are indicating that he’s doing just fine!

I've been celebrating his weekly birthday at 3:08pm every Saturday. #obsessed

So, speaking of breastfeeding… FACT: it’s REALLY hard. I did everything I could to educate and prep myself for how it would be when the baby arrived – but there’s really nothing that you can do to prepare for the huge, exhausting, stressful, yet amazing and proud commitment/phenomenon that is nursing. The fact that my body not only housed the little guy for 9 months and grew him until 1 day before he was slated to arrive – but it also knows to produce life-sustaining milk to keep him healthy and growing is crazy… right? The first few days were super tough – but it gets a little bit better and easier each day. And it’s caused for a few hilarious moments that I have to laugh at… 1) Rex is a hungry little beast – he has NEVER rejected the boob. I think he’d eat even if he was plum full to the max – I often have to cut him off because he overeats so much that he hiccups on the daily and has started spitting up. Adam has joked that he’s already got a little bit of the former fat kid that he was in him J; 2) Because of his craziness/love for the boob, he often like fights me to hold onto it himself… his little hands/arms sort of grip the boob and resist me trying to move or adjust him because I think he’s afraid that he’s not going to be able to eat. Like he’s saying “No, its mine!” Ha ha…  He also gets so crazy/mad/excited when I’m prepping to feed him that when I lie him on my legs and start pulling up my shirt, he often kicks me in he nipples – and I’m telling you, that hurts really bad! They’re already sore as all get-out and then they’re being abused by tiny, little newborn feet… it’s really just not fair. 3) Finally, as if the entire labor and delivery process wasn’t body-and-soul-baring enough, I basically have lost almost every ounce of prudishness that I once had with what is required of my upper half in breastfeeding. And most of you may know that I have always been quite the insecure weirdo about my tatas! But the frequency with which he needs to eat (every 1-2 hours) and the tasks that are required to make sure they are maintained and cared for properly (air-drying and nipple cream) requires a lot of free-boobin’ it.  I’m pretty sure Adam doesn’t know what to think! And I honestly don’t even care… I’ve already had to run to the bathroom and whip out a boob “in public” for Rex the last time we went to the doctor, too – it’s just a fact of my new life.

But it does remain a constant, stressful guessing game – I’ve been researching questions, advice, guidelines, etc. many a night as I sit up feeding him… The latest tip that made me chuckle advises that you not look the baby in they eye when you’re feeding him at night. Apparently, that will stimulate him and cause for him to stay awake vs. going right back to sleep – which I totally get – but you should see me at 2:30am when I’m changing his diaper before feeding him and trying to soothe him by avoiding his eyes and literally talking to his belly. Ridiculous! I’m really looking forward to the ~6 week timeframe – that seems to be the benchmark with which most say I should really feel like I have the hang of it and it gets easier. Here’s hopin’!

Talking to him about how it's not nice to kick mom in the nipples... ha!
Photo cred: Kelli Wessels - thanks, gf!

Pretty accurate depiction of life right now: while I have to lecture about nipple kicking -
Adam gets to pleasantly nap with him. :) But that's so damn cute, my heart almost burst. 

4/7/16

Let’s see… I’ll give you guys the highlights of what’s happening these days: It’s very common for little boys, and probably just a sign of what’s to come with the likely grossness that I’ll have to endure in raising a young man – but Rex has mastered the art of peeing and pooping on us. And please answer me this - why does it always happen in the dead of the night? That act always requires an outfit change, obviously – and he hates being cold/naked, so he really lets us have it when we have to strip him down after he was just all cuddled, warm and cozy. And I don’t know that there’s anything more jarring than a baby screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night.  I was pretty proud of myself on Day 7 (and I even logged this in my journal) – but that was the first time I managed to change a very dirty diaper solo in the wee hours of the morning (pun intended), didn’t get peed on or get poop on his clothes, and I was even able to carry him with me to the bathroom and one-handed, successfully figure out a way to pee myself and wash my hands without making him scream. Mom/Annie for the win!

My bright-eyed boy!

Another highlight… is the Murph. I hate to potentially jinx it – but honestly, I’m so proud of him. He’s handling this major life change so well! Granted, the first night – he did not know what to do… Rex was crying/screaming, and I’m pretty sure Murph was on the verge of his own anxiety attack with trying to process what that thing was and what kind of noises it was making… he even started high-pitched cry-barking and frantically following us from room to room as Adam and I scrambled to figure out what Rex needed… like he was saying to us: “You guys – help that thing! There’s something wrong with it!” Haha… but since Night 1, old man Murph just seems to take it in stride. He does stir a bit when Rex cries at night and I get up to tend to him… but typically goes right back to sleep. He’s used to it now. And he’ll come over and sit right next to us on the couch during the day; he licks Rex’s head and hands – and I truly feel like they’ll be pals in the near future. Especially when Rex can throw the ball for him or give him food. Of course, he’s jealous – and you can tell when we talk to Rex, he looks at us with a heart-breaking sad face. But, Adam and I are both dedicated to making sure he is assured that we love him just as much as we did before, and he will continue having a wonderful life with us for his remaining years. The only outstanding issue that drives me nuts, but I know I need to accept it – is his barking. Luckily, Rex grew for 9 months listening to that nonsense – so it doesn’t really phase him very much… but we have had a few instances where I just got him down for a nap and then the damn mailman starts coming around the neighborhood, which causes Murph to lose his mind – and wouldn’t you know it… soon after, I hear little Rexy stirring from him crib. Dammit, Murphy!!

Yes, I forced this photo op - as you can tell from Murph's tortured expression.
But really - they're gonna be besties.

More accurate moment - Rex looking super grouchy and Murph trying to get in on the cuddle action.
Again - so cute - heart = bursting. 

Something else that Rex got used to hearing while in the womb is my constant singing/jamming/Pandora addiction… so I’ve started using that to my advantage. Now, I do NOT have a good voice – but by God, he seems to like it (I am his mother, after all), so I keep the tunes on during the day a lot and sing to him often. However, we’re not talking lullabies and instrumentals (although we do play those sometimes too… when we’re desperate) – I typically just belt out whatever comes up in rotation on the shuffle. He currently seems to really like my Ace of Base, anything 90s country and Miranda Lambert. We even had the Pandora going up until the moments before he was born in the hospital… while I was in early labor, we played the Ray LaMontagne station (attempting to keep me calm during real contractions, which I understand now are SEVERELY different than the Braxton Hicks that I had been experiencing for weeks before), and I had Adam put it back on the Shuffle when I was pushing since there were breaks/silences in between contractions. I distinctly remember hearing “Heaven Is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle as the end was nearing… I’m telling you, this kid is going to have a deep and eclectic appreciation for music if it’s the last thing I do!

See. if that's not the look of an adorable Grumpus, I don't know what is...
In fact, he was being pleasant that morning - looks can be deceiving!

 I’m sure this is the most scattered post I’ve ever written, and I’m sorry – hopefully, future excerpts will be more concise and informative… as I mentioned, the last 3.5 weeks really have been a massive blur, and I’m quite sleep-deprived – but I’m also the happiest and most exhausted I’ve ever been. We had a great experience at the Muscatine Hospital and one of the things that they are very diligent about informing both Adam and I about and checking into frequently is post-partum depression. I’m very fortunate that I have not experienced those feelings, but I can understand how that can happen with the crazy range and impact of hormones and emotions that hit you after giving birth. There have been days where I feel so overwhelmed, worthless and stressed that I don’t know what to do… but I keep going. Evenings give me a lot of anxiety, because the witching hour for Rex right now seems to be from 6-9pm or so… and nothing we do seems to calm him during that time. And then there are other moments when I just sit there and look at him and start bawling because I’m so happy and can’t believe that he’s here and that we made him and he’s ours to keep and raise up. It’s very humbling how grateful I am… and even though it’s really hard sometimes, and I know we’re just getting started – I thank God every day, multiple times a day.

He's getting used to me just strapping him in and carrying him around...



One of our first family walk adventures...

We bathe him in the sink on this awesome sunflower cushion - and it's hit or miss if he likes it... statistically - he likes the warm water. Hates the aftermath/lotion process. I totally agree with him.

Becoming more active and alert every day!

He seriously has the wildest hair - and I love it. It sticks straight up! It's long enough to lie down... it just doesn't. 
And I think it's turning a little strawberry :)

Now – I’m conscientious of the fact that not everyone cares or will be as obsessed with Rex as I am…  So – I’m trying to practice some restraint on social media, texting photos and Snapchatting – but I sincerely can’t wait for all of you to meet him!  Just know that I’ll also be secretly nervous/wishing/hoping/praying that he is in a good mood and not enduring a growth spurt when that time comes so that I don’t have to flash you my boobs. J

One of the adorable pics from Rex's photo shoot a couple weeks ago...

We got in a few of the shots... Adam was hating his life.
I love that Rexy's eyes are open in this one though!

And this one... just stop it. Bestill my heart. 

More to come!! And hopefully, it won’t take me so long – but I can’t make any promises.

Much love to all of you! 

Baby Watch 2016: Maxed Out

March 7, 2016

Quick update on #truebetykebabywatch2016: clearly, we don't have one yet. Ha!

When you can't stay away from the bean dip at trivia night... #spillage. Adam also decided to point out to everyone at the table that I put down 8 Girl Scout cookies. I wanted to punch him in the face. 

To say that Adam is anxious and ready for him or her to get here is the probably the biggest understatement of the year... and me too, of course. But I keep trying to put everything in perspective. Why would I want to rush the kid? I HATE being rushed... Adam knows this. Now, I'm not the shiniest example of a punctual person - and admittedly don't always estimate appropriately as to how long it takes me to get to places and do certain things - so it's only fair that I let Baby T take his or her sweet time... right?

Also, why am I sitting here wishing upon every star that 12+ hours of severe pain get started? That's straight up masochism! Up to this point, I really am doing alright. Now, I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow or next week. And granted,  I admit that I am uncomfortable and tired a lot - sleeping is tough, I can't get up and down very easy, and my back is really achin' - but for the most part, I'm feeling pretty good, physically. We've even ventured out on a few decent walks the last few days since the weather has improved. So, I'm not desperate... YET.

I was able to get some video of the baby moving... so cool. 

What it comes down to is that we have ZERO control over when this thing's really gonna go down - and that's a frustrating and freaky notion. It could be tomorrow or it could be 2 weeks from now (terrifying), which I've heard is the latest they'll let someone go past their due date. We actually thought we were having some action two Fridays ago... I had pretty regular, pretty powerful Braxton Hicks contractions, combined with nausea, for almost 4 hours straight, every 7-8 minutes. But they weren't unbearably painful - and we're both on board with trying to stay at home and labor in the comforts of my sweatpants vs. the crinkly paper gown for as long as possible before we head into the hospital - so in doing so, we waited them out and the contractions eventually subsided. I've had frequent BH for over 2 weeks now, as well - and the baby has dropped, according to both the doctor and general audience consensus (Lena) - so progress is being made... it just seems like predicting when labor will actually begin is the biggest mystery of the natural world - EVERYONE has a different experience, so there's absolutely no way to figure out what my story will be.

Seriously... MAXED.

Regardless, I hope and pray that my story will be a good one! I've been joking the last few days that I'm just sure since I've said throughout the entire pregnancy that I'd prefer he or she not join us on MY birthday, which is this Thursday, March 10th - of course that's when it's gonna happen... why wouldn't it?? I realize that sounds totally selfish... I know... babies are a gift - I completely agree; I'd just like to have people remember to give ME gifts for the remainder of my years, too :) I love birthdays! So, I've come to accept it - if it's gonna be within the span of a few days, it might as well be smack dab on my day, and then I can hold it over my kid for the rest of his or her life, right? Hahaha... I'm kidding.

My latest Etsy purchase - he was literally on patrol as I was snapping the pic.

The really tough part for me right now is that I don't think I have the capacity to plan, read, absorb or ingest any further information, advice or tips about how to give birth or care for a newborn at this point. I am MAXED out - both in my belly and in my brain! And figuring out how to work with the chance that I might be "out-of-office" any given day is difficult, too... especially when there are due dates or deadlines that I know for sure will be happening while I'm on maternity leave. It's super hard to work up motivation to care, at this point... I AM just READY.

We ventured out last weekend for one more "date night" - live bluegrass music at the local art gallery... it was great!
1) People were super nice 'cause we were the youngest folks there and 2) I've already mentioned how people are just more pleasant to pregnant chicks. 

I mean really... we've been patiently waiting for 274 days/39 weeks/9 months to get this kid in our arms. We're at the stage where we talk about (and I worry about) things like what he or she will look like, how we're going to handle his or her future sports schedule, and what we hope he or she inherits from each of us. Adam asked me the other night... "What if he or she is ugly?" I responded - "We're not even gonna know it if he or she is! We'll be so obsessed with the kid that he or she will be the most amazing, gorgeous, perfect baby that was ever born!" And that's truly how I feel.

The delicious, carb-tastic dinner Adam made for me last Saturday... I even enjoyed a few sips of vino.
This bun is finished bakin' - I figured that would be okay. 

What has been awesome and has made me feel so loved are how many friends, family, neighbors and co-workers have been checking in on me... I think that only further elevates my hopes that I'll have some good news to share soon!

Please hang tight along with us, my friends... and please kindly send along vibes of patience! :)

XOXO

The final touches...

LAST DANCE...

February 23, 2016

Holy cannoli, you guys… we are less than 20 days from D-Day!!

After a very hectic month, I have finally settled in for what I’m affectionately calling my impending 3-month “hibernation” -- and our massive to-do list fluctuates with each day. Seriously, every time I cross something off, I remember something else or read about another “absolute-must” task that expectant parents should accomplish pre-baby. It’s freakin’ exhausting! I feel like I do have a mild-to-medium case of baby brain (which is forgetfulness for my non-pregs pals), so I take notes and make lists like it’s my part-time job – and coincidentally, I have totally separate, but daunting, to-do lists to accomplish at my actual job, too – so writing things down to ensure I remember them is super crucial these days. Highest on the priority list: I’ve been working on packing my damn hospital bag for several weeks now (still not totally done), and if I ask Adam one more time about installing the car seat bases, I think he might leave and never come back.

Speaking of that poor guy – he came down with a stomach virus over the weekend, and I don’t think I’ve seen him so sick in years… so, of course the super pregnant, albeit super stubborn, person that I am – I kicked it into high gear on Saturday-Sunday this weekend and got a TON of stuff done myself! And likely overdid it because the last few nights and mornings, my body has been so sore and achy that I can barely roll out of bed. That’s how it happens now too – I have to start kind of rocking back and forth to get the momentum going -- there are zero ab muscles left to crunch up into sitting position. Tear.

And I will not try and act like I wasn’t just a LITTLE bit annoyed at Adam’s turn for the worse… 37 weeks pregnant should really be all about ME, am I right?? Diva alert! When we got home early from leaving the dinner/hockey game outing with friends we had committed to on Saturday night - I dropped him off to start recovering and then drove myself to the grocery store and Culver’s where I picked up medicine for him, and snacks and a custard concrete mixer for me. Seriously, the things I endure…  This is supposed to be MY TIME. J Luckily – he now seems to be on the mend!

Um, terrible photo, but I felt like I needed proof to look back on that I was still workin' on my fitness...
And I don't usually hold that stupid chalkboard while I walk on the treadmill.

35 Weeks -- I look like a running back! Minus the slippers.

The past three weekends and all last week have been jam-packed with baby showers, lots of work events/meetings and various “final, life as I know it” get-togethers with friends and family. It’s been great, and I’ve felt very productive!

It seems like a really long time ago, but Jenn and Kendra threw a wonderful STL shower for me back on January 30 and then my mother- and sisters-in-law coordinated a lovely Truebe family shower on Sunday, the 31^st. After a short week at home, I headed up to Chicago for my Egan family shower the following weekend, which my aunts and cousins, Jess and Bridget, did such a great job in organizing – and I even squeezed in a trip to buybuyBaby and hit up a sale at Once Upon a Child with Jess and her littlest guy, Quinn. As part of the sale/promotion, I stuffed 15 gender-neutral onesie sleepers into a little flimsy plastic bag for $10 – boom!  

Hostess' with the mostess' -- STL Shower

Truebe Ladies Shower in Springfield

Egan Family Shower - my cousins and I will have kiddos that range in 9 months of age...
hopefully, they'll grow up to be good friends like we are :)

Our Muskie friends even organized a mini-diaper/Super Bowl party later that weekend, which was so sweet and thoughtful of them to do… I’ve said it so many times – but Adam and I are SO lucky! We couldn’t be more grateful.

The following weekend included a trip to the adorable town of LeClaire, IA to reunite with my grad girls at a beautiful spa, where I was treated to a prenatal massage and facial. Lena purposely coordinated a non-traditional-type shower – we were really there just to spend the day together and enjoy the pampering – and it was a perfect way to wrap up my shower series! Can’t believe we didn’t get a pic together L

After getting clearance from my doctor the Friday before, I headed for Ursa then St. Louis for my last workweek in the office last week, and as I said – it was very hectic, but very productive. When I wasn’t hustling to meetings and awards events, I did my best to eat and not-drink-booze-but-water my way around the city, getting together with all of my faves and doing what I could to spend some QT and get totally caught up on all of the biz before I go on hiatus.

Strangely enough, last Friday was the first time I’ve felt really and truly BAD during this whole pregnancy… I did not sleep well in the hotel at all the night before – I was up with a terrible headache, my hands and ankles were swollen (CANKLES!) and heartburn was plaguing me. When I finally got to the office in the morning – where it was a balmy ~70 degrees and all I had packed were sweaters – I was a sweaty, nauseous beast and felt on the verge of barfing for a good couple of hours. To add insult to injury, I had to attend an important client meeting somewhat last-minute, which had my anxiety and hormone levels raging…. Ahhhh! Needless to say, I was very happy to finally get home to Iowa, get officially unpacked (which I feel like I haven’t truly done in months) and enter into what we’re allegedly gauging will be the last 3 weeks of nesting.

I say that with a grain of salt because my 37-week appointment yesterday has me quite freaked/excited/terrified/in a state of wonder… we actually went in for an ultrasound that my doctor requested after measuring me last week and determining that I still seemed to be on the “small side of normal” – she thought it’d be good to have my growth/fluids checked. Well, as the technician is checking on everything from the inside – he starts throwing out little fun facts like, “37 weeks, huh? You’re looking closer to 39 weeks to me.” You should have seen my face. I’m sorry…. WHAT?!?

He then dropped the ol’ 8 lb baby bomb on me – again, I look at Adam in shock/horror. I’m sorry…. WHAT?!?

And finally – upon recalculating my due date, he thinks we may have a baby by March 3^rd instead of March 13^th.  That is next Thursday... I’M SORRY… WHAT??!? 

Before having a massive, yet joyful, panic attack, we went over to meet with and get checked out by the doctor – and she provided an attempt at a calming reality check – ultrasounds at this stage don’t tend to be super accurate. They have a 2 lb plus or minus range, and dates are somewhat obsolete, too. So, regardless – she didn’t say that he was right or wrong… it’s really just a gamble at this point – Truebe Tyke can come at any time! Which is super hard for me to process… as an organized, tipping-towards-slightly-OCD-type person – I work well with a deadline – I always have. It feels irresponsible and risky to not have control over when our little dude or dudette will be joining us… but it’s also so exciting. Like livin' on the edge! 

I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions pretty frequently the last couple of days, which is also causing me to really wonder if I'll make it 18 more. And those are the freakiest things to experience... it's literally like your uterus is shrink-wrapping around the baby as it contracts. I was sitting there on Sunday, in the midst of one, and I get Adam's attention to look over and see this drastic round bulge showing on the upper right side of my stomach - I think it was the baby's little rump - which the doctor said just happens to be the perfect position for him or her to be in to prepare for exit...

Sidenote: my mom is on the verge of a meltdown with all of this talk of me giving birth earlier than anticipated because she’s in Florida with family until March 2^nd. She literally told me on the phone last night to keep my legs clamped and closed tight until she gets back. Really, Carol?? J

And although I keep saying that I feel like I'm not totally ready - most of the important things around the house are actually done - and the nursery looks really great. I'm so happy with how it's turned out!

Once he or she arrives, I'd like to do a little initial sign or decal above the crib.

I found the perfect outer frame for this sign to make sure it stands out from the wall color!

The dresser/organized diapering area - and it's tough to see with the glare, but I love my wonderful
celestial song lyric prints: 

Here Comes the Sun, Little Darling
Fly Me to the Moon
Look at the Stars, Look How They Shine For You
Baby, You are the World
(Carrie - it turned out so beautiful - thank you thank you!)

As much as I complain – which I really try hard not to do that often – I’ve been telling Adam the last few weeks that I think I’m actually going to miss being pregnant when all is said and done. I mean – don’t get me wrong – as I’ve previously made clear, there are significant things that I really miss and/or desperately dislike about living in this stage of large life. But there really are a lot of decent perks too… For example, I have come to enjoy having a free pass to many things (eating often, napping, leaving parties early if I want to, etc.) – and I have found that people (strangers and non-) just seem to be generally nicer and friendlier to pregnant people. I can’t tell you how much more frequently I get smiled at while out and about, randomly complimented, chatted up and asked questions, and just seem to have an overall higher frequency of pleasantries coming my way. Last week, I got a free room upgrade at the hotel, just for being noticeably with child – I mean, seriously… sometimes, this pregnancy thing rules!

And even though coming to grips with gaining ~25 lbs. has been hard for me, I don’t appreciate that I can’t move with the swiftness I once had, and I still refuse to ask for help like I know I should (must be the feminist in me) – I’ve actually been super sappy lately about loving and appreciating this experience and reveling in everything that it’s worth.  I’m totally going to miss feeling him or her jump around in there all the time – even though it’s starting to feel more like internal physical abuse. And I’m just so happy and grateful that I’ve been lucky enough to have a generally enjoyable and pleasant pregnancy.

Speaking of sappy… I’ve been doing a lot of calling out the “last time” we’re going to be able to do certain things (so dramatic) – and I’m pretty sure it’s highly annoying to Adam. I’m pushing for a dinner date night sometime this week, because we never know if it could the “LAST ONE” before baby. Even ridiculous household things – like I washed all of the bedding on Sunday because it might be the “LAST TIME” I do that before the baby. Murph went to the vet yesterday too for a check-up/butt glands/nail trim day of torture – because it’s probably the “LAST TIME” I can run up there freely and take care of that before the baby comes. Seriously, I realize I’m kind of acting like a crazy person, but the only thing I can attribute it to is an intense, hormonal need I feel to accomplish these tasks. It's like I've got Donna Summer playing in the back of my mind at all times.

Now – what I’ll do my absolute best to avoid doing is making this my LAST BLOG POST! I’d love to keep it up and let everyone know how we’re doing as a family of 4 – I’m just seriously not sure how much time I’ll have available to me at first – because I’m fishin’ in the dark here, folks. But, we WILL figure it out!  However, this really might be the LAST POST before Double T shows up… so to summarize:

We are so completely excited that I can barely stand it, but I won’t lie and say I’m not extremely scared about labor and delivery. I just hope and pray that everything goes okay, and I can handle it… whatever comes.

What I am positive about is that I won’t be able to handle the level of emotion on the day of – but I feel like that’s acceptable – I mean, I cry at The Bachelor these days, so of course I’m going to be severely overwhelmed at the birth of our child. I would love it if you guys would say a prayer, make a toast or send positive thoughts our way… hopefully, the phone/text tree efficiently takes effect when the time comes – and we’ll do our best to share any news or updates along the way.

Thank you so much in advance for the support, our dear friends and family – next time we talk, I might have reproduced. I might be a Mom. I’m sitting here shaking my head, tearing up in disbelief, and smiling.  And the kid just jabbed me for it – deep breath... time to go grab a snack.  

MY LOVE TO ALL!!

XoXo