A Farewell Tribute to Tanya

January 28, 2016

This Saturday is January 30^th, which – as nerdy as this sounds – is a date I’ll forever remember from my younger days as when Adam and I officially started “going out” in the year 1999.  So I guess you could say it’s our anniversary of sorts! And that phrase "going out" always cracks me up when thinking about it… because it’s the 90s kid’s version of “going steady.” When I told my dad in 4th grade that Bryce Burke and I were “going out” – which consisted of our friends whispering secrets to one another as we ran around during recess and maybe strategically and awkwardly holding hands while we sat next to each other at the school assembly – TK hilariously replied, “You are 10 years old, ‘Tune – you ‘aint ‘goin’ nowhere.”

My first prom with a boyfriend - sweet hairdo's on both parts.

Nonetheless, it’s been 17 years since my official union with Adam Truebe – and I’m grateful all the time that I worked up the nerve (with the assistance of Boone’s Farm Snow Creek Berry and probably a couple Natural Lights) to profess my love to him on New Year’s Eve our junior year of high school.  Let’s act like you didn’t read that, Mom – I was an angel in high school! And try to remember that in approximately 44 days, we’ll be adding what’s sure to be an adorable and feisty member to your brood of grandchildren…. And we owe it all to responsible underage drinking. Hahaha…

Young and in love- and surely not on our way to a party at Woodworth's Farm.

Speaking of alcohol consumption, it’s a topic on my mind and in my conversations quite a bit these days, since I have been abstaining from the sauce for over 236 days now. And I’m honestly surprised that I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would. Don’t get me wrong… I get very jealous when 5pm on Friday rolls around and I can’t have a seasonal beer or glass of wine to ring in the weekend. But it’s not something that just KILLS me… in fact, this lady at the airport a few weeks ago made a comment about boozing that frankly made me sick (and I don’t think it’s just me) when she began chatting me up about being pregnant and not drinking, etc. She told me that when she was pregnant with her first baby, she missed alcohol so much that she would just sit around and smell the bottle of tequila to get her by. You should have seen my facial expression. Come on, lady! That sounds like it might be a more serious, personal problem to me. But to each their own… do whatcha gotta do, right?

I still wear my Urban Chestnut shirt. And it's official - what once was an "innie" is no longer.

 Now see that’s my way of reeling back on the judginess… I feel like remaining sober and not being able to participate in the fun and debauchery of life as it was before becoming impregnated has caused for me to have maybe a bit of a sharper edge these days. And I’ve heard from several gal friends who’ve had children relate to this… without the cushiony cloudiness of a few drinks in your system, many social outings are a little bit different… slightly more difficult. I feel like I’m honestly not that excellent of a conversationalist without the help of a cocktail or two… especially when interacting with friends who I may not see all the time or don’t have super close relationships with. But pre-pregs Annie… man, I felt like I ruled at the social situation! And that’s typically where and why things could get out of hand for me… I’m always having so much fun, talking to people, making jokes, telling stories, playing games, dancing, etc. that I don’t keep a very close eye on exactly how MUCH I’ve had to drink… and that, my friends, is typically when Tanya makes an appearance.

Most of my friends know this person. She was officially named and inducted into the group in late college/early grad school – but that by no means, is an indication of her maturity or knowledge level.  She’s the alter ego that takes over my body, mind, mouth and spirit when I’ve passed the point of no return while drinking – and she’s the worst. The grad girls know her well - she was officially on tour and made regular appearances from 2004-2006, which were not my proudest or finest years. Interestingly, many of my friends love her – probably because she can occasionally be the source of a lot of fun, slight danger/excitement and generally precarious situations when we all get together. Jenn and Squires, who know Tanya quite well and seem to be the only ones who tend to be present when she has risen from dormancy in recent years, claim to enjoy her company. Coincidentally, I (Annie) hate Tanya’s guts. I often tell people she's not invited or welcome at parties, and I don’t miss her one bit while I’m in this stage of abstinence. And Adam’s opinion of her? Maybe worse than mine.

Whether she’s getting a little mean or combative, getting lost, getting clumsier than usual (wet noodle), getting sick, getting sleepy, or getting escorted out of adult establishments… she’s an unfortunate facet of my personality that I truly hope officially deteriorates from existence. And you know how people say that your true selves come out when you're drunk or that drunk people are more honest? Dear God, that is not the case for me... Tanya is full of spit fire, snake piss and usually dirty, rotten lies! Sure, I might grow to miss her, at times. But all of these characteristics are ones that I am packaging up and preparing to seal with a goodbye kiss with the reality that I am becoming someone’s mother… Someone who is responsible for another. Tanya can’t handle that level of adulting. It’s time.  I know what you’re thinking, girls… the only exception where I’ll entertain the allowance of letting her emerge again is maybe a future Magical Mystery Tour where all children/offspring are at least 100+ miles out of sight. J And I say all of this with the hopes and dreams that I’ll figure out how to fully wrangle her, which I’ve been unsuccessful at doing for over 10 years now. Another TK quote after a particularly rough night where Tanya came out at a family wedding and I was seriously suffering the next morning (another disastrous side effect to her presence):

“Dammit, Annie – don’t you know your limit?”

“No, Dad, I don’t. If I did, why would I blow right past it every single time?!?”

All in the past, my friends… all in the past. Fingers crossed!

Truer words...

Now, I have found a way to still have fun the last 7.5 months without booze… and its all the better to be rid of the hangovers. Participating in a bunch of enjoyable get-togethers, including the 2 weddings in which I was a bridesmaid sort of demanded that… and I gladly accepted. It's like rising to a challenge! I’ve danced sober (seriously, that’s really hard though) – I’ve even sung karaoke with zero drinks to help me (thanks, Carrie). I consider myself to be a naturally fun person, in general, but being pregnant in social/drinking situations is tough… a bit isolating in a way… you question a lot about your behavior/reactions, etc. when you don’t totally feel like yourself or in your complete comfort zone… I’m lucky to have friends who bring out the best in me though, and I’m looking forward to what my new future looks like – and how my definition of fun changes. I was relieved and proud to have one of my Muskie friends, Kristen, tell me after one of our first times hanging out that she thought I was really fun… she said she can’t imagine what I’m like when I actually can drink. I’m really excited and looking forward to having a few beers (not 10) with her, come end of March! J

Okay, now that my rant over boozing and Tanya is over – an update on how things are going in he life and times of a 33-week pregnant Annie: we’ve been doing MAJOR work in the nursery – and it’s looking so great! I’m still thinking through a few finishing touches – but I love how it’s coming together, and I’m so excited about it. And it’s perfect timing, in my opinion – because I’m smack in the middle of a six-shower series over the next 4 consecutive weekends. My extremely generous and lovely family and friends are going to be seriously aiding in the stocking of the baby’s room and the rest of the house with everything we need for his or her upcoming arrival… we are so grateful!

So excited and happy with this... my first attempt at chalk paint!
And I've already started putting some of double T's little clothes in the drawers. 

His or her crib for right now.

We reupholstered the hope chest that I've had since I was a little girl.
Still picking out new hardware... and we're going to hang that sign on the wall above.

We pulled the trigger on a glider for the nursery.

First up on the shower schedule was with my hometown girlfriends and Kayser family ladies last Saturday – and it was so nice… adorable decorations, delicious food and wonderful company. 

My UHS gals :)

My Paradowski work girlfriends threw me a brunch shower on Monday after I trekked to St. Louis for my second-to-last work week in the city – and my boss was able to attend in person and then promptly went into labor herself that evening and gave birth to her 2^nd baby boy.

 Which really got me thinking/wondering/worrying about how delivery is going to be for me… and I’m honestly SUPER nervous about it. Adam and I attended our first free birthing class last week, offered through the hospital – and it was an experience, to say the least. They showed videos of various deliveries and pain methodologies. Adam was a little traumatized – and truthfully, so was I! I was watching through my fingers when the actual births were happening – which is exactly how I looked almost the entire time while watching The Revenant. And yet it never failed, whether it was the teen mom who opted for no pain meds or the gross couple who chose the epidural but also labored in the birthing tub – and homeboy got in the water with his girlfriend while wearing his wifebeater – I still started crying every time the baby was born! If I’m tearing up over skanky strangers in a low-budget birthing film when the child enters the world, how am I going to react when it’s our very own precious Truebe Tyke?? It’s gonna be a mess… I don’t think either of us is prepared. And for the record – he said he was joking – but after viewing the video of the girl who chose no “comfort measure,” i.e. delivered a 7lb child au natural, Adam said he believed I could handle that. I told him he was nuts. End of that convo.

Hope he doesn't want to dump me after I verbally abuse him in the delivery room.

 Next up is getting together with my STL girlfriends this weekend (on Saturday) and then the Truebe ladies are showering me on Sunday. I’m actually pretty positive I’m not going to be able to fit everything in the Subie to get it home to Iowa. But that's AT's puzzle to decipher, so I'm just plain excited!

I am getting more uncomfortable on the daily… but still feel pretty good for the most part. I’ve got energy and motivation to keep moving, walking, etc. – but from what I’ve heard and/or read, I’m worried about when the hammer’s going to drop. Many sources have said that around 34-36 weeks, the bod really starts to shut down, save up and prepare for the big D. My lower back is already in some pain – I’m using a heating pad on my desk chair (seriously, old lady) – and I kinda feel like my spine is constantly in an arched state… probably due to the fact that I’m carrying something that weighs as much as a dense pineapple in the frontal area. And literally – I feel like my bump is as oblong and misshapen as a massive piece of fruit right now, too. No longer is it nice and proportionately round… I’m pretty sure I can feel and see a head, a hip, maybe a shoulder off to the side. There are body parts. And it’s probably starting to frighten people when I’m sitting quietly and the flesh over my stomach literally jumps from a jab or my shirt noticeably moves when the baby starts to rollin’ with the homies. Seriously, the lady next to me in church a couple weeks ago gave me a look.

Hotel livin' this week... big ol' bump + legwarmers

 Many of my apps, articles, etc. are now calling this the “home stretch” – how long do you think a home stretch actually lasts in technical terms? If I were running a race, I’d probably consider that to be the last 1-2 miles… and because I’m stubborn and just a tad competitive (ha), I’d always save a little gas in the tank to make sure I had enough stamina to look good crossing the finish line. Here’s hoping that analogy applies here! And please note that I fully expect my friends and family to go ahead and line the halls of the hospital when the time comes and I’ll waddle by, slappin’ high fives and stopping for water breaks every 4 steps. J  

#finishstrong

Oh, hey 30 weeks!

January 8, 2016

Hello, Third Trimester!! I can’t believe that I’m over 2/3 of the way through this bad boy…

New carpet sighting! Since I rarely wear socks, this is a seriously welcome renovation.

It has been a hectic few weeks with all of our Christmas travels – but it was wonderful to visit with family and friends over the holidays.  

The beautiful view on Christmas Day -- my aunt and uncle's home on Cedar Lake, IN. And yes, that's the sunrise, folks. I had to get up to pee for the 2nd time around 6:30am.

I love that Brendan took this photo... Pie Face was a big hit this year!

And I’m very proud to report that we have been SUPER productive at the Iowa homestead, as well.

New carpet installed upstairs, new countertops, a new stove and new dishwasher in the kitchen – all are looking fantastic – and we even got the crib and nursery bookcase assembled and the new dresser moved in there. I’ve been pushing hard to get all of these projects wrapped up before Truebe Tyke graces us with his or her presence… I was pretty worried or actually relatively sure that it may never happen if we waited until after. I hear this crazy notion that babies take a lot of time and attention from their parents?? :)

Doesn't it look amazing?? I'm very lucky to have such a handy dad and husband. 

Funny story about the dresser (that Adam already predicted I would mention in my blog – I’m sorry, honey, it has to be done): we found a set that we liked at Buy Buy Baby the last time we were in St. Louis, and the floor model was marked as Clearance. Nothing excites AT more than saving money – so he was all about getting that one – and we’d planned to coordinate with my dad who has a truck to pick it up over the next couple of weeks and haul it to Iowa, since he was graciously helping with all of the other renovations. Turns out it was marked down so far because it had a HUGE scratch on the top – no idea how that happened – looked like vandals at work to me. But regardless, Adam enacted his primo negotiating skills, and we got them talked down even further – originally priced at $600, we got it for $240 with the coupon. I don’t think he stopped smiling all day after that. Ha! So, now he's sanded down the damage, and I’m planning to paint the top a different color (like a vintage or distressed golden yellow) with chalk paint and make it nice and baby/gender-neutral friendly.

Vandalism at it's finest in Buy Buy Baby.

I really haven’t been that excited or gung-ho into planning the nursery until the last couple of weeks… and now, I’m all in. I believe that’s what is called “nesting”… am I right? A lot of the bedding, etc. that I’ve been liking and registering for is star-focused… I guess that’s what you gotta consider when keeping things gender-neutral – you can’t really go with girly flowers or masculine airplanes (although I’m totally for women flying planes and men being florists, don’t get me wrong) – but regardless, I’ve settled on a celestial theme of stars/moons/sun/world elements – along with the incorporation of an adorable sign that Adam’s grandpa got us for Christmas that says “You Are Our Greatest Adventure.” Aint that quote the truth!?

We’re still keeping it relatively simple – probably just putting up a pretty mobile in the corner, maybe some easy star decals on one wall and some fun elements incorporated on the bookcase -- but I’ve also got this idea to put up a series of prints in nice frames above the dresser that incorporate song lyrics that reference these astrology-themed pieces with baby references, of course. And most know that I’m a HUGE music nerd, so this has been really fun for me to research and pick out which of these songs/artists I really like and want to be a part of the kiddo’s first space. Etsy is amazing for these types of projects.

This is what I’m going with:

·      Here Comes the Sun, Little Darling (Beatles)

·      Fly Me to the Moon (Frank Sinatra)

·      Look at the Stars, Look How They Shine for You (Coldplay)

·      Baby, You Are the World (Brad Paisley)

My good friend, Carrie, who’s a designer at my work, Paradowski – is going to create the last one for me. I’m SO excited about them… I’ll be sure to post a photo when it’s done.

We're getting there...

Okay, other than nesting – I’m learning to deal with some other interesting and not-totally-welcome implications of being 30 weeks pregnant. One – I have this super weird cowlick in my hair that has never been there before. Literally, where my hair parts in the front, I have a cluster of follicles that just stick straight up. It drives me crazy! I also have these little red bumps all over my arms and back – luckily, they don’t itch or hurt or anything like that – they’re just really weird… now what does itch is my stretching skin over my belly. I’m slathering various lotion and body butters/salves on there morning/noon/night!  I’ve already complained about the heartburn, and it’s still plaguing me, unfortunately. It was at an all-time high over the holidays, and I was suffering succotash… at 3am after returning from Christmas Eve festivities, where I ate nothing but junk (i.e. heavy appetizers and desserts), I woke up to actually having to vomit the acid that had built up in my esophagus… it was brutal!  My doctor has approved that I can start taking something more heavy-duty like Zantac if it persists – so really hoping that gets better…

Adam was doing this to be funny. I was highly embarrassed/slightly inclined to push him down. 

I also can’t get up out of the couch like I usually can either – and as Murph is getting older and more stubborn/lazy, he doesn’t really move for you like he should. I ended up hurting the poor guy the other night as I tried to get out of my nook on the chaise part of the couch and one of my heavier body parts (no idea which one – they all feel more dense these days) came down on his right leg. He yelped in pain and when I tried to comfort him and examine the damage, he curled into a protective ball next to Adam (who was sleeping) and wouldn’t let me pet him or take him to bed. I cried a little bit.

And for the record... he was fine. A little dramatic in his old age too, I'd say.

I had my glucose test a couple weeks ago, and was very proud to pass – for some reason; I was quite worried about that… I think because my carb/sugar addiction is at an all-time high, and I’m terrified at the idea of daily needles/testing and a potential bed rest diagnosis as I near my due date. But – you’re supposed to stay under 140 and I got a 77 – so the nerd in me feels like I aced that sucker… yes, I’m a bit of a Monica Gellar, admittedly. 

Everyone needs a little... how else would you have good stories?

For the first time in life as I know it, I went to sleep before midnight on New Year’s Eve. Now THIS is a sign of true adulthood – right? Or, I’m just a victim of circumstance (more likely scenario) and naturally took advantage of not being able to partake in celebratory cocktails or a party atmosphere. I did sort of force Adam into dressing up for 90 minutes while we went out to dinner at the nicest place in town – which let’s be honest, is not very nice – but the food is delicious – and I secured the last available reservation by waiting to call until that morning. Oh yeah, baby -  we were locked in for the 5:30pm senior citizens special. Ha! We were also home and changed back into sweatpants by 7:30. I fell asleep after two episodes of Making a Murderer and awoke on New Year’s Day to a fully rested body and clear, non-throbbing head. Major pregnancy win in my book = no hangovers.

All dressed up for dinner with the elders of Muskie...

It’s tough to make a New Year’s resolution when you’re actively going through serious mind, body and soul changes and will be reproducing a life just three months into the year 2016. If I had to choose something for now – it will be to go ahead and eat better/drink more water/get a little more exercise in the last remaining 10 weeks of this pregnancy. My doctor and Adam ganged up on me a little bit at my last appointment since some levels in my urine test indicated not eating/drinking enough – so after I got over the annoyance – I vowed to be better. It’s a sad thing when in real life, you’re a major eater and have what many might call a larger than most appetite – and while undergoing pregnancy (when it’s supposed to be okay to eat whatever you want whenever you want), you struggle with food. I’ve never quite gotten my appetite on track during this rollercoaster… I constantly struggle with ideas of what to eat and making decisions on what I really want to eat. I don’t have a lot of cravings. I always have buyer's remorse and want what the other person ordered. I’m so busy at work that I have to set reminders on my calendar to get up and go stand in the kitchen to stare in the fridge and the pantry and try to be inspired. “Grazing” is what I’m supposed to be doing since eating large meals is nearly impossible with the limited stomach space I have right now… and don’t think I didn’t take note of the large farm animal reference and how my bod is feeling at this stage either.

Anyway... we’re getting super close, my friends! Less than 65 days to go… I’m both anxious to welcome double-T and terrified that we’re not ready. One of my damn apps told me we should start practicing the route to the hospital and packing my overnight bag at this point. AAHHHH! There’s way more to do before I can even think about that…

In the meantime, I’ll be cracking the whip on my loving spouse while our unborn child continues his or her kickboxing lesson under my ribs.

Shout-out to my sister-in-law and Truebe Tyke's aunt who's got a birthday today -- Happy Birthday, Greta!!

Happy New Year, everyone!