A Farewell Tribute to Tanya

January 28, 2016

This Saturday is January 30^th, which – as nerdy as this sounds – is a date I’ll forever remember from my younger days as when Adam and I officially started “going out” in the year 1999.  So I guess you could say it’s our anniversary of sorts! And that phrase "going out" always cracks me up when thinking about it… because it’s the 90s kid’s version of “going steady.” When I told my dad in 4th grade that Bryce Burke and I were “going out” – which consisted of our friends whispering secrets to one another as we ran around during recess and maybe strategically and awkwardly holding hands while we sat next to each other at the school assembly – TK hilariously replied, “You are 10 years old, ‘Tune – you ‘aint ‘goin’ nowhere.”

My first prom with a boyfriend - sweet hairdo's on both parts.

Nonetheless, it’s been 17 years since my official union with Adam Truebe – and I’m grateful all the time that I worked up the nerve (with the assistance of Boone’s Farm Snow Creek Berry and probably a couple Natural Lights) to profess my love to him on New Year’s Eve our junior year of high school.  Let’s act like you didn’t read that, Mom – I was an angel in high school! And try to remember that in approximately 44 days, we’ll be adding what’s sure to be an adorable and feisty member to your brood of grandchildren…. And we owe it all to responsible underage drinking. Hahaha…

Young and in love- and surely not on our way to a party at Woodworth's Farm.

Speaking of alcohol consumption, it’s a topic on my mind and in my conversations quite a bit these days, since I have been abstaining from the sauce for over 236 days now. And I’m honestly surprised that I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would. Don’t get me wrong… I get very jealous when 5pm on Friday rolls around and I can’t have a seasonal beer or glass of wine to ring in the weekend. But it’s not something that just KILLS me… in fact, this lady at the airport a few weeks ago made a comment about boozing that frankly made me sick (and I don’t think it’s just me) when she began chatting me up about being pregnant and not drinking, etc. She told me that when she was pregnant with her first baby, she missed alcohol so much that she would just sit around and smell the bottle of tequila to get her by. You should have seen my facial expression. Come on, lady! That sounds like it might be a more serious, personal problem to me. But to each their own… do whatcha gotta do, right?

I still wear my Urban Chestnut shirt. And it's official - what once was an "innie" is no longer.

 Now see that’s my way of reeling back on the judginess… I feel like remaining sober and not being able to participate in the fun and debauchery of life as it was before becoming impregnated has caused for me to have maybe a bit of a sharper edge these days. And I’ve heard from several gal friends who’ve had children relate to this… without the cushiony cloudiness of a few drinks in your system, many social outings are a little bit different… slightly more difficult. I feel like I’m honestly not that excellent of a conversationalist without the help of a cocktail or two… especially when interacting with friends who I may not see all the time or don’t have super close relationships with. But pre-pregs Annie… man, I felt like I ruled at the social situation! And that’s typically where and why things could get out of hand for me… I’m always having so much fun, talking to people, making jokes, telling stories, playing games, dancing, etc. that I don’t keep a very close eye on exactly how MUCH I’ve had to drink… and that, my friends, is typically when Tanya makes an appearance.

Most of my friends know this person. She was officially named and inducted into the group in late college/early grad school – but that by no means, is an indication of her maturity or knowledge level.  She’s the alter ego that takes over my body, mind, mouth and spirit when I’ve passed the point of no return while drinking – and she’s the worst. The grad girls know her well - she was officially on tour and made regular appearances from 2004-2006, which were not my proudest or finest years. Interestingly, many of my friends love her – probably because she can occasionally be the source of a lot of fun, slight danger/excitement and generally precarious situations when we all get together. Jenn and Squires, who know Tanya quite well and seem to be the only ones who tend to be present when she has risen from dormancy in recent years, claim to enjoy her company. Coincidentally, I (Annie) hate Tanya’s guts. I often tell people she's not invited or welcome at parties, and I don’t miss her one bit while I’m in this stage of abstinence. And Adam’s opinion of her? Maybe worse than mine.

Whether she’s getting a little mean or combative, getting lost, getting clumsier than usual (wet noodle), getting sick, getting sleepy, or getting escorted out of adult establishments… she’s an unfortunate facet of my personality that I truly hope officially deteriorates from existence. And you know how people say that your true selves come out when you're drunk or that drunk people are more honest? Dear God, that is not the case for me... Tanya is full of spit fire, snake piss and usually dirty, rotten lies! Sure, I might grow to miss her, at times. But all of these characteristics are ones that I am packaging up and preparing to seal with a goodbye kiss with the reality that I am becoming someone’s mother… Someone who is responsible for another. Tanya can’t handle that level of adulting. It’s time.  I know what you’re thinking, girls… the only exception where I’ll entertain the allowance of letting her emerge again is maybe a future Magical Mystery Tour where all children/offspring are at least 100+ miles out of sight. J And I say all of this with the hopes and dreams that I’ll figure out how to fully wrangle her, which I’ve been unsuccessful at doing for over 10 years now. Another TK quote after a particularly rough night where Tanya came out at a family wedding and I was seriously suffering the next morning (another disastrous side effect to her presence):

“Dammit, Annie – don’t you know your limit?”

“No, Dad, I don’t. If I did, why would I blow right past it every single time?!?”

All in the past, my friends… all in the past. Fingers crossed!

Truer words...

Now, I have found a way to still have fun the last 7.5 months without booze… and its all the better to be rid of the hangovers. Participating in a bunch of enjoyable get-togethers, including the 2 weddings in which I was a bridesmaid sort of demanded that… and I gladly accepted. It's like rising to a challenge! I’ve danced sober (seriously, that’s really hard though) – I’ve even sung karaoke with zero drinks to help me (thanks, Carrie). I consider myself to be a naturally fun person, in general, but being pregnant in social/drinking situations is tough… a bit isolating in a way… you question a lot about your behavior/reactions, etc. when you don’t totally feel like yourself or in your complete comfort zone… I’m lucky to have friends who bring out the best in me though, and I’m looking forward to what my new future looks like – and how my definition of fun changes. I was relieved and proud to have one of my Muskie friends, Kristen, tell me after one of our first times hanging out that she thought I was really fun… she said she can’t imagine what I’m like when I actually can drink. I’m really excited and looking forward to having a few beers (not 10) with her, come end of March! J

Okay, now that my rant over boozing and Tanya is over – an update on how things are going in he life and times of a 33-week pregnant Annie: we’ve been doing MAJOR work in the nursery – and it’s looking so great! I’m still thinking through a few finishing touches – but I love how it’s coming together, and I’m so excited about it. And it’s perfect timing, in my opinion – because I’m smack in the middle of a six-shower series over the next 4 consecutive weekends. My extremely generous and lovely family and friends are going to be seriously aiding in the stocking of the baby’s room and the rest of the house with everything we need for his or her upcoming arrival… we are so grateful!

So excited and happy with this... my first attempt at chalk paint!
And I've already started putting some of double T's little clothes in the drawers. 

His or her crib for right now.

We reupholstered the hope chest that I've had since I was a little girl.
Still picking out new hardware... and we're going to hang that sign on the wall above.

We pulled the trigger on a glider for the nursery.

First up on the shower schedule was with my hometown girlfriends and Kayser family ladies last Saturday – and it was so nice… adorable decorations, delicious food and wonderful company. 

My UHS gals :)

My Paradowski work girlfriends threw me a brunch shower on Monday after I trekked to St. Louis for my second-to-last work week in the city – and my boss was able to attend in person and then promptly went into labor herself that evening and gave birth to her 2^nd baby boy.

 Which really got me thinking/wondering/worrying about how delivery is going to be for me… and I’m honestly SUPER nervous about it. Adam and I attended our first free birthing class last week, offered through the hospital – and it was an experience, to say the least. They showed videos of various deliveries and pain methodologies. Adam was a little traumatized – and truthfully, so was I! I was watching through my fingers when the actual births were happening – which is exactly how I looked almost the entire time while watching The Revenant. And yet it never failed, whether it was the teen mom who opted for no pain meds or the gross couple who chose the epidural but also labored in the birthing tub – and homeboy got in the water with his girlfriend while wearing his wifebeater – I still started crying every time the baby was born! If I’m tearing up over skanky strangers in a low-budget birthing film when the child enters the world, how am I going to react when it’s our very own precious Truebe Tyke?? It’s gonna be a mess… I don’t think either of us is prepared. And for the record – he said he was joking – but after viewing the video of the girl who chose no “comfort measure,” i.e. delivered a 7lb child au natural, Adam said he believed I could handle that. I told him he was nuts. End of that convo.

Hope he doesn't want to dump me after I verbally abuse him in the delivery room.

 Next up is getting together with my STL girlfriends this weekend (on Saturday) and then the Truebe ladies are showering me on Sunday. I’m actually pretty positive I’m not going to be able to fit everything in the Subie to get it home to Iowa. But that's AT's puzzle to decipher, so I'm just plain excited!

I am getting more uncomfortable on the daily… but still feel pretty good for the most part. I’ve got energy and motivation to keep moving, walking, etc. – but from what I’ve heard and/or read, I’m worried about when the hammer’s going to drop. Many sources have said that around 34-36 weeks, the bod really starts to shut down, save up and prepare for the big D. My lower back is already in some pain – I’m using a heating pad on my desk chair (seriously, old lady) – and I kinda feel like my spine is constantly in an arched state… probably due to the fact that I’m carrying something that weighs as much as a dense pineapple in the frontal area. And literally – I feel like my bump is as oblong and misshapen as a massive piece of fruit right now, too. No longer is it nice and proportionately round… I’m pretty sure I can feel and see a head, a hip, maybe a shoulder off to the side. There are body parts. And it’s probably starting to frighten people when I’m sitting quietly and the flesh over my stomach literally jumps from a jab or my shirt noticeably moves when the baby starts to rollin’ with the homies. Seriously, the lady next to me in church a couple weeks ago gave me a look.

Hotel livin' this week... big ol' bump + legwarmers

 Many of my apps, articles, etc. are now calling this the “home stretch” – how long do you think a home stretch actually lasts in technical terms? If I were running a race, I’d probably consider that to be the last 1-2 miles… and because I’m stubborn and just a tad competitive (ha), I’d always save a little gas in the tank to make sure I had enough stamina to look good crossing the finish line. Here’s hoping that analogy applies here! And please note that I fully expect my friends and family to go ahead and line the halls of the hospital when the time comes and I’ll waddle by, slappin’ high fives and stopping for water breaks every 4 steps. J  

#finishstrong